When you notice your fake self (the one you created around the age four), you will probably notice it at first from the level of that fake self. Later on, there might be a new level of awareness that sees it. If you get to the place where you are watching yourself, as you are the player on the stage (as Shakespeare points to), then that is a huge step. True awareness happens after that step. There is a tricky part to seeing it, however; and that is if you are discerning what is happening, you are still not in true awareness. You are still in the thinking mode. If you take a step and say or think you are taking a step, you are not truly aware.
Someone who used to come to my online workshops went into a rage because of something I said to her. She later related to me that at the height of that rage, she saw herself completely which caused her to have a transformational experience. She was in a rage because she thought I was doing or saying something which was against what she thought I should say or do. At the peak of her anger, she saw that she was the one who was causing the anger, not me. She saw it 100 percent. That is the act of catching yourself in your act.
The distinction between catching it completely and just observing yourself is the amount of energy that is being expounded at the time. This is why many people have awakenings, enlightening, or even transformational experiences when they are in the most traumatic experience of their life. They are in their whole life right there with all their energy at once, 100 percent of it. If a person could go through those experiences without letting it carry them into sadness or other feelings that arise, then it would be transforming. Yet most people get caught up in the drama of it such as a “poor me” or sadness or guilt or whatever else comes up. They think it is something or someone else who is causing their own feelings. It is always the person with the feelings inside them who is causing sadness or anger, etc.
When I had the experience which I call my transformation, I put 100 Percent of myself in it. I put my whole life into it. You might think you gave or are giving 100 percent, and the proof of it would be, “Did it happen?” Did you transform your life? If not, then you didn’t give 100 percent; you held something back.
The unknown is the space between “I gave all I had at the time” and 100 percent. That is the distinction between those two things. You can discover which it is by saying “I didn’t give it all I had.” I am asking you to speak that you failed at it because that is when you can discover what is between what you gave and everything you have. It is important to admit your failure because if you don’t see it, you will continue to repeat the same thing over and over. If you cannot see this as a truth, then you will hold onto it. Only a truth will set repetition free.