Conversation with Edward Jones as he discusses Cheap with Dona Bilangi (as it is affecting her life).
If you discovered what is holding you back from transformation, there would be nothing to do since discovery is the thing needed to free you. It would already be done.
What is holding you back? One thing could be your laziness, which includes a lack of energy. Another block is being a defeatist, giving up, which is related to being negative. Sometimes there is so much negativity it is more like holding you down rather than just holding you back. This compounds on itself, because the weight of life is holding you down so much that it makes the negative larger and vice versa.
If you think the world is not fair and not treating you right, that is how you are going to be treated. If you think you can’t do it, then you can’t. The manner in which you live in the world is up to you, and we teach other people how to treat us. What we put into our world is what we get out of it.
To put everything you have into something is a simple thing, but it doesn’t mean you put everything you have into it. It means you put everything you have into it without thinking you are putting everything you have into it. The distinction is thinking you are doing that.
The manner in which you put everything you have into something is to keep your thoughts out of it. Then you know it is everything you can do. If you do things without thinking about them, then you can see how far you can go without someone directing you. If you do it the way someone else told you how to do it or you read about how to do it, or how you think you should do it, that is not you doing it. It is your thoughts directing you to do it.
For example, some people might think they are perfectionists, but it is their mind telling them what perfect is. They allow thinking to direct their way rather than just doing it and then looking to see what perfection is.
The defeatists and the perfectionist are very much the same; they both allow their thoughts to direct their lives. In one case thought says, “Don’t do it,” and in another case thought says, “Do it and make it perfect.” Usually they never achieve the perfection they are looking for because they can never find that spot, so they quit like the defeatist.
The thing holding you back is your being cheap. If you look at cheap in context, cheap people are willing to sacrifice themselves, and they sacrifice themselves for money as well as everything in their lives. If you discover something in one domain of activity, you will notice it is in every domain of activity. Domain of activity includes every part of your life–psychological, mental and physical. If cheap permeates your life, then cheap is your greatest impairment. You have fallen into a rut of cheap.
Cheap is a context. It has a beginning, a middle and an end. In order to discover the beginning, middle and end you need to discover first that you are cheap. Even though you laugh about it, you do not see it fully. Everyone who comes around you knows to make sure to tell you something was cheap. If we tell you we got the worst one there, you will be happy. That permeates in your life, and everything has to be done around your cheapness.
And here is a message to you: You have cheaped yourself out of your own life. Of course you have saved a lot of money, and you have a lot of jokes about it. You wear clothes from Goodwill, and it is you who has got cheaped.
Maybe everything else you have completed in your life, and my guess from my observation of you is that you have completed most. You have been through all the different processes and spiritual teachings in a manner to see if you can complete yourself.
Completing yourself takes 100 percent. Really it takes 99 percent to complete yourself which leaves that one percent upon which when you discover, you quickly go to 100 percent. Then you pop back to 99 percent again, and you are coming around to this again, where you have been many times.
Let’s say cheap is the last thing for you to discover, and when you discover it, you move through that context. Because cheap is a word, it has energy. It has a life of its own. When you discover that and it is the completion of you, then it’s 100 percent you by becoming the 100 percent cheap. Then you pop back to 99 percent because from there you can see your flaws.
The action of moving from being cheap to the observation of your being cheap causes you to remove the residue of being cheap. That is switching places with where you have been all your life. That is living in Nirvana or Heaven or whatever you want to call it. It is not living there without your flaws. In a certain sense, you begin to embrace your flaws rather than resisting them.
Some people who are cheap often think they don’t need money or don’t want it or see the need for it. Yet the truth is they are attached to it, and they want to hold on to it. This would be the context of their lives. A natural ingredient of someone who is holding on is control. They need to be in control. These people cannot let anything or anyone go. They cannot even allow any movement away from them.
You are generous towards others, yet you are cheap when it comes to yourself. You are the one paying the dearest price psychologically because of it. It is often very easy to justify being cheap, as we all have this thing about wanting to save money, or at least to want money. I am not saying you need to go out and buy a huge house and have all the best things in it. You just need to have a balance.
Cheap is not either bad or good, but if you are cheap and it is costing you psychologically, then it might be important for you to discover what it is costing you; what it is chipping away at you. If you are sacrificing yourself for the almighty dollar, is it worth it?
And cheap will cheat you because it is a context, and if it is in your life, it is in every part of your life. The holding on shows someone they hold on in every domain. If it is sacrificing yourself, then it is in every domain.
You might see this in your life, and maybe even admit to it and joke about it, yet you do not see it 100 percent–that it is in every aspect of your life, and you have an attachment to it. You might even be proud of it. You might even brag about being so cheap you buy your clothes at Goodwill.
You can remove your cheapness, not by going out and start throwing money around, but by just removing your cheapness. What would your life look like without having cheap in your life? You don’t know, do you? You have no idea. Discover what your life would be like without the cheap. One experience could be, for example, to go out and buy yourself a nice outfit. It doesn’t have to be very expensive, just something new that someone else hasn’t worn.
On the opposite side, of course, are the ones who spend all the money they have and always have to have the very best things. This is also a context in which people can see themselves.
This thing that you are looking at your life in, the context, will affect every domain of your life. This doesn’t mean in the same way. It doesn’t mean that if you steal a car, someone is going to steal your car. That would make it too easy, wouldn’t it? It is more difficult to see what is happening. It might affect your health or something completely unrelated where it is a little more difficult to observe. Yet it is everywhere if you look.
What I am speaking of is hidden from you. You cannot see it. If you could see it, it wouldn’t be there. If cheap is costing you yourself, what you need to discover is where cheap is costing you. That doesn’t mean give all your money away or throw things away or act like it doesn’t mean anything. It might mean discovering, in a physical sense, how cheap is costing you, and how it is you are cheating yourself out of the very thing that you care to discover.