Transformation is a cleansing of ourselves, an ending of our conditioning and the ending of our violence. In order for there to be no more wars in the world, we must first end all wars within ourselves.
Sometimes it seems like the action of transformation just happens because it does look that way. One moment a person is stuck in the programmed conditioning of the world, and the next they are transformed out of it. However, for myself there was a build-up leading to transformation that was not seen: I spent my life looking for the truth and speaking the truth until one day it all came together. Others only see that one event since it was so total and complete.
Still, I paid for transformation with a lot harder things than most people are willing to pay. I paid with my whole life, all of it. I saw my failure in everything, and I saw it completely — 100 percent. I saw it so completely that I finally realized that failure was my only success, that I was a complete failure. And when I saw my failure, I saw the failure of our planet, of our universe and everything we are doing on this earth. That is quantum happening, and it came from seeing my failure. If you can see any part of yourself completely, you would see the whole, and your life would transform. You need to see it completely, 100%.
Even when I went bankrupt, I held my ground in the truth. My friends came around and blamed society and the economy or the government; yet I would say to them, “No, it was me, my failure. I am the one responsible.” That in itself was the dynamic. I didn’t buy into the excuses about why I had failed. While I ran my businesses, I knew I wasn’t doing everything a business guy would do, but it was everything that I could do. I had my whole life in it, all of it.
I did that with everything in my life. When I found out Nance was pregnant, I created a partnership right then with my child to be. I said I would be responsible for him throughout high school and on to college if he cared to go. I created that from day one with him — that partnership. I didn’t fail to stay with him. I failed at what I was doing, which was being a father or parent, the labels.
The Christians have something they call born again, which is the mirror image of transformation. It is thought thinking it has discovered itself. That has a certain release to it, and it has a lot of the same characteristics of transformation in it, but it’s in a trap because it is just belief. The half of it that it takes for transformation is the giving up of your “self”; but for born again Christians, they have to take on God or Jesus or some other thing to fill that void. Transformation is when you give up yourself, and you don’t fill that void. That takes quantum.
Sometimes you might see a large context of your life and then start to see it completely, but something else happens to pull you away from it. You get lost in feelings or judgment, or you switch to another domain without realizing it. The switching of domains means that you are looking at one context and then another context comes along, and you don’t realize you are looking at the second one instead of the first.
Because all of us are programmed and conditioned beings, we do not act. We just re-act from a conditioned response to whatever is happening in the moment. That makes us what I call robots. The only time action happens is in the unknown, when there are no thoughts, no manipulation and when there is nothing there. In that space, in that void, you act with intelligence
We sometimes have that kind of action when some danger is present, and we have a sudden and quick response to it. Then thought, fear and worry come in about what just happened. When something like that happens, it would be a perfect place to put yourself back into where you don’t know what to do and face it again.
For example, if you are looking at unworthy as your context, and the feeling of it starts to dissipate, put yourself back into that place on purpose where you feel unworthy. And you keep doing that, psychologically, until there is no more you can do about it. When you can no longer put yourself into a place of unworthy, you will know that it is gone.
When I was facing fear and pain, which took about 6 months to clear, I would put myself in the places of fear and pain to face it. I would drive out of my way to go through Payne, Indiana, and all the way up to there, I would prepare myself. I would say to myself, “If there is any pain left while I drive through that town I am going to experience it,” and I would. The only problem was that it was a tiny town.
Another thing I would do was stand in front of a mirror, stark naked, and look myself in my eyes and say, “Where’s the pain. What am I afraid of?” and I kept pulling it out because it hides. It is like a little child that doesn’t want to get caught. It hides and gives you distractions to get you to stop looking, or it lies to you.
In a certain sense you treat that pain (or whatever you are looking at) like a child. You bring forth that thing that is dissipating or going away until you can’t any longer. That’s 100 percent. If you can see your life in its context all the way through, complete and 100 percent, you will see your whole life in quantum. That is transformation.
When you cannot find an iota of it, then it is gone because you have experienced it. You experienced it because you invited it and stayed right with it. Even when it tried to hide and trick you, you still stayed right with it. That is experiencing it. I am speaking psychologically with all of this. You don’t need to put yourself in harm’s way physically, yet I am suggesting you do it psychologically.
This all requires detachment, detaching from feelings and objects and people that we are attached to. Look at the things that come up with detachment. Look at the context of whatever comes up with no attachment included in it. There would be no anger, judgment, sadness, etc., to detract from the issue you are dealing with, and so that would be 100 percent looking.
Transformation is a death of ourselves, the ego; a death to the person that we are. Again, I am speaking psychologically not physically. Transformation is just a cleaned up way of saying, “I would like to die.” You might say, “My goal is transformation” and not realize you are really saying, “My goal is to die.”
The mind, your ego, doesn’t want to die, so it will trick you. Thought is the only problem we have. It will trick you and trap you to stay the way you are. You need to be aware of this and catch as it happens in the now. It is the tricked mind that needs to catch itself.
The things we are discussing, addressing and facing here are the thousands and thousands years of conditioning we are born with. It is like all of our life’s experiences, thoughts and actions are on a byte of information as in computer terminology, and that is what is passed on from generation to generation. Then when we are born, it is all reinforced. Some of us are told we are unworthy or useless or that we cannot do things. Others of us are told we need to be proud of ourselves when we get A’s or defeat others at something. Then we either encapsulate or accept that training and conditioning into ourselves, or we reject it. Accepting it or rejecting it is the same.
Someone who feels unworthy accepted being told they were unworthy. Someone who is vain rejected being told they were unworthy. Sometimes it is more difficult to see things when they are rejected, as they are covered up with the other context. A vain person is really dealing with unworthiness; yet they cannot see that because vain is covering up unworthiness. Though, for purposes of transformation, it is the vanity rather than the unworthiness that needs to be addressed first; and then the unworthy part will possibly show up later. If you start looking at unworthy before clearing vain, you will have switched domains. These are all aspects of being a programmed and conditioned robot, yet once you find one context that dominates, stay with it until it clears completely. Then when that one clears, don’t stop there. Keep going to clear the other issues that show up. They are all connected.
I use the analogy of a milk bottle full of bows with a string attached between each one. The bows represent all of our contexts. If you pull on the string, the first thing that happens is one of the bows pops out. When that happens, you can look at the bow since it is now visible to you. Look at all the aspects of that bow and discover all parts of the bow until it disappears, until all that is left is the string. You might stop there thinking you have discovered everything, yet there are many bows still left in the bottle. So, you pull that string again and up pops another bow. Then you have the opportunity to discover that one.