We live in a world of manipulation, and most people don’t even realize it. We learn from early childhood that we need to lie and manipulate in order to get things, and we continue with it throughout our lives. Often we even manipulate ourselves and don’t even know it.
A female friend of mine told me about how as a young adult she would like to flirt. She often went beyond a point with men that made it almost impossible for her to say “no” to have sex with them. Because she had flirted beyond a certain point, she felt obligated to continue. She actually manipulated herself into the situation.
As a child my father would not allow me to have any excuses for anything, so maybe that is why as an adult it was easier for me to speak the truth. It was that which brought about my transformation — speaking of the truth of my failure of everything in my life. Along the way I also spoke the truth of my failures. I didn’t allow others to convince me that I lost my businesses because of this reason or that reason. It was all because of me. Also, I had a death experience at my birth, which made all the difference in the world to me because I think people don’t speak the truth because they are afraid, it is like a death (the death of a lie – which is what we build our whole life on). I had no fear of death because of that experience I had as a baby.
The need to be right is similar for most people. To admit they are wrong is like a death to them. Their lives are created and built on lies, so a truth or admitting they are wrong, are deaths of their false self (which they think is real). And this is what I say needs to happen in order to have a transformation since the false self is made up of lies, yet everyone believes they are true. When the ego dies, you are truly alive, so this death will bring you alive.
This is what confession is about; it is speaking the truth, getting it out of you so you can be free. The problem is that often we have remorse about it, or sadness, or guilt, which only keeps repeating the same lies. That doesn’t actually free the person. Any attachments, feelings, or judgments about what we are speaking of will hold that inside of us so it cannot be released. We stay trapped.
We have to keep up an image of who we are supposed to be or who we believe ourselves to be, and to say something that might counter that image would be like a death (of that image). We create this image of ourselves based on things we were told to be true, yet they were only thoughts/beliefs we made up and kept repeating. Once we have a thought/belief frozen in our minds, we will look for every situation that will reinforce that belief. We keep adding and adding to it.
The law of attraction states that whatever you believe you attract to yourself. You believe an image of yourself and you attract that which will prove it to be true. You believe it, so when you see something in your life that is similar, you say there is another example of that. And you store that away as proof your belief is true.
You also attract the things you believe in different ways. For example a female who wants to “mother” someone might attract a male who wants to be mothered. They are not necessarily the same, yet they have a mutual manipulation with each other. I say manipulation because they would be using each other. She will get to mother someone and he will get to be mothered. That is manipulation.
Many people are manipulated by guilt and the people around them know how to use it, and if they use it, then they are often able to be manipulated by it as well. Many mothers use this with their children, and it is very prevalent with most religions. All the “shoulds and shouldn’ts” are manipulations through guilt. And once we believe these, we don’t need the religions or our parents to do it. We do it to ourselves.
I say that all action from thought is manipulation. If there is a thought that precedes an action (which is what precedes most actions) then it is in some way a manipulation. You think if you do this, then that will happen. In the thinking world, everything comes from the past. If you are using the past to cause something to happen today, it is manipulation. Any choice, any decision, you make are all based on a past thought put into the future to manipulate something in one direction or another.
In a relationship, people keep each other frozen by the image they have of each other and the expectation that they will always be that way. Then manipulation happens so they will always stay that way. If one person starts to do something different, it often causes stress in the relationship, because then the old manipulations will no longer work. The other partner might do many different things in order to manipulate the person back to the way they were.
If you do start to make a shift, then it is important to see this happening so you don’t get drawn back into the old manipulations. If you are not aware, you might easily fall right back into your old patterns, as they are easier and more comfortable. You might find that once you shift, you and your partner no longer have anything in common because it was the manipulation keeping you together. In the example I gave earlier of the female who needed to mother and the male who needed to be mothered, and if one of them lost that need, then there might not be anything else to keep them together.