Until you see the context you are living, it has total control of your life. Once it is seen, then you will notice it in the moment as it is happening, so it no longer controls you.
You can now start to live with the ability to act freely. Before, it was an unconscious program that you were reacting to every time something triggered you and since that was in all aspects of your life; you were living it all the time and not knowing it had you trapped. It was running your life.
I have spoken about there being two consciousness’s that we have available to us. I call one the old consciousness, which is the one we are living in now, the one that is violent and dualistic. Then there is the new consciousness, which is the transformed consciousness where there is no violence or duality. You could say that we are currently in the midst of the battle between good and evil, the shifting from the one consciousness to the other. One of them has to die for the other to manifest, and we can do that within each individual until it is done with the collective.
We actually did die in order to live in this current, violent consciousness, because when we were born we were perfect, already in the new consciousness. Then we were trained and conditioned by our parents and society into duality/violence and that is when we died. I am speaking of dying to the old consciousness so that the new can manifest. This does not mean to die physically. I am talking psychologically, meaning the death of the ego/duality/violence — a transformation.
This does not mean that you will go back to your birth consciousness. It means you would become your birth consciousness at your current age. Intelligence is always flowing and expanding. Let’s say you have a transformational experience. That would be the point of the beginning of the new consciousness for you. It would include all that was before it, and it would also include all that will be. The distinction between the old and new consciousness is thinking. The old consciousness is based on belief, which is a frozen thought.
In order to have that transformation, you must see your life in context in the moment of the happening. Catch the thoughts that are causing the reactions you are having, and then speak them out right then, right when they are happening.
It is difficult to catch the contexts of your lives because it is all of you, and it is so much you, you cannot see it. However, others around you can see it because it is all of you, yet they are too polite or feel they will get you upset if they say some of the things they see about you; so they do you a disservice by not telling you about yourself. So, it is important for you to catch yourself in the action of seeing those things.
And here is a secret: Any action you catch yourself in contains that context. You are never not that. It is there all the time.
For example, if you see that you are bitchy or grumpy, then notice any action and it will include being bitchy or grumpy. And when you pretend to not be bitchy or grumpy, that is when you are it even more. It gets tricky because the smaller the control mechanism becomes, the larger amount of control it contains. It’s not the great big things that are easy to see, it is the small ones that are hidden which have the greatest control over your life.
The key is to see it in the moment of the happening.
The difficulty in seeing it is that we don’t want to see it. Sometimes we are proud of it, or we think we need to be that way (as a defense or something), or we feel that person deserves it. You might think you need to be that way, or that person deserves to be spoken to that way. And if someone points it out, we usually get angry with them and yell at them, so they stop doing it. We often deny saying or doing what the person points out. We will say, “I didn’t say that.” or “I didn’t do that”.
Sometimes we do notice we are doing it, and we don’t want to admit it, or we want to continue it because it seems justified. We make excuses for the way we are, and those excuses justify our actions, so we cannot see them clearly. One excuse that stops us from seeing our actions is saying “that is just the way I am.” Or we say “everyone is that way”. These are all ways of not seeing ourselves.
Then we go into a new level with it and want everyone to just accept us the way we are so that we don’t have to be the ones to make any shifts in our lives. We want others to allow us to stay in our ineffectiveness. We protect and defend each other and make excuses for each other, allowing us all to stay as we are. This is because if we allow them to be ineffective, it is then OK for us to be ineffective as well.
We are all in a conspiracy of ineffectiveness. We conspire together to keep each other ineffective. This is similar to the saying misery loves company, and we are all living lives of misery.
The most delicate thing about speaking the truth is what is behind it. If you are speaking from a place of clarity, then people will hear the truth. If you have any kind of attachment, agenda, or manipulation behind what you say, they will hear that and not what you are saying. You can say the nicest thing to someone; yet if it really is a snide remark, they will hear the snideness of it. They will hear the tone in which it is delivered. The tonal quality of your voice speaks as much as the words you are saying, and the truth of what you are saying is in the tone rather than the words.
If you are looking at something in your life, take it to its completion; see it in all the aspects of your life as you live your life. It is everywhere in everything. Once you are able to see that one thing, keep at it, and start to put it in the past. For example, if you are looking at unworthy, you would say “that is where I used to be unworthy,” or that “I used to feel unworthy when someone said that to me.”
Every now and then ask yourself, “Am I kicking a dead horse?” Maybe you are starting to see it where it no longer exists, and are bringing it back into those things. Maybe you no longer feel unworthy about something that you used to feel unworthy about; and you might put that unworthy back into it, so be aware of what is happening as it is happening.
Once you have balance in your life, at least with the one context you are looking at, then you can start to make distinctions in your life. You will now be able to see if you are being unworthy or if it is something different or nothing at all. You might realize that buying your clothes at a second hand store is yourself being unworthy, and yet if someone gives you something they once owned, that might be considered a gift and accept it with that appreciation of it.
The distinction is the observation because the observation transforms that which is being observed, including you.
We are so distracted by our own thoughts that we cannot see or hear anyone or anything else. When we are in thought, thinking, we are blocking most of the world out. We miss 99% of what is going on around us. We are all buried in our own thoughts.
You will probably notice when you start to speak the truth of your life because it is uncomfortable. Most of us want to hide what we see. We don’t want others to see it, so we are uncomfortable speaking about it. So, notice if you are uncomfortable when you speak, for that might be a clue that you are speaking the truth. If you feel proud or happy when you are speaking, you are probably just telling a story which is usually a lie.