Our egos are why we don’t have union/partnership with each other. We are worried about our feelings getting hurt. Often we attach the feelings with the people who first triggered it, and then we don’t go any deeper into it. For example, you might have had brothers who abused you, and you used to get angry when they mistreated you. After that, when you see or even think of your brothers, you get angry. But them abusing you is not really what caused the anger. You need to investigate and find out what it was they did, and what it did to you back then. That’s where the real feeling is that has never been discovered and released. The feeling isn’t in the experience itself. The feeling is the attachment you have to the experience.
Now, maybe someone says or does something that causes hurt feelings, and you say to yourself, “If they loved me they wouldn’t have done that.” So then you have that attachment of them not loving you. Sometimes in the case of being abused you might have felt powerless. So maybe ask yourself if the anger is because of what the abuser did, or was it the feeling of being powerless? It is probably that you felt powerless, and now you may feel powerless in a present situation just because you accepted the powerless feeling from years ago.
Back then you didn’t want them to take your power from you, and you have hated them all these years, so where has your power been? It has been with them. They have owned you, your power, ever since you were young. Now you protect your power. You were bound and determined not to lose your power ever again, yet they have had it all this time because you are holding onto it by blaming them. Now you are a victim.
The only time you are a victim is in the moment of the happening of the action. If you feel victimized after that, it is because you are holding onto being a victim. You are the one now giving them your power and control. It is bad enough that the situation happened, but then to hold onto it so it continues to affect you over and over for many years makes it a million times worse.
As long as you continue to blame another, you will miss what is really happening. In the above situation you had to have power, and if you don’t get the power then you get angry. What is really happening is the need for power, which you feel someone is taking away. It is not others that are causing the anger.
If you feel powerless, then it is power that you want, and it will show up in all your relationships. You always have to have the power. So, if you care to clear this particular issue up, give up power in context. It might also be perfect for you to say out loud (not necessarily to them, though that would make it a greater release), “To (whoever you are blaming), I apologize.” Do not add more and do not apologize for something. Just apologize. This is the way of taking back your power; although power itself is something I say to give up all together. It might be necessary, however, to get it back first before you can see that. You can do this apology to everyone you feel has mistreated you, even if they are dead. This is the manner in which you can get your life energy back.
Whenever there is blame you make yourself a victim. We cover up the thought/feeling of being a victim by blaming others, so often people don’t even realize they are feeling like a victim. Our society is full of victims, especially among women.
The female victim has been conditioned in them for many generations as males wanted to keep the women subservient, almost a slave. Females sense that and want to “get even” for it even if the male hasn’t done anything to them. Since this is so deeply buried in females, they don’t even realize they are doing it. Most people don’t realize the depth of the conditioning they are acting out. Neither sex realizes how they are treating the other. How can people be in relationships with all this happening? They can’t. They think they are, yet they are not.
Our feelings are so convoluted we don’t know what is causing them until we start to investigate them. Look beyond the blame you have to see what the truth there actually is. Memories are often buried, and all memories are faulty. We only remember pieces of things, and usually we remember them in a manner to make ourselves right, yet sometimes it isn’t that cut and dry. Victims don’t realize they are abusers as well, and it happens simultaneously. It is now time to let all this go.
In the Star Trek Next Generation TV series, there is a character named Data who is an Android. He wanted to get feelings so he could become more human. We have the belief that feelings make us human when in truth it is feelings that are controlling all of us and making us robots, not more human. You are a robot because you react automatically from feelings.
When I have talked about feelings in the past, people have told me if they didn’t have any feelings, they would be like a robot, and it is actually just the opposite. They think if a person doesn’t have feelings there is something wrong with them. We have added feelings as a result of the ego protecting or building itself up.
I suggest to anyone who is holding onto feelings and blaming other people that they apologize to them and let the feelings go. That is in order for them to get back the energy they have been giving to feelings all these years. This is a way of freeing yourself. Free is the experience of letting go, not the experience of adding or holding on.