The brains of babies are empty of information, so they absorb everything immediately and in quantum. Every baby has a multitude of experiences they cannot put words on, and later on in life they will have an experience, recognize it, and label it then. They can only recognize it because they had experienced it before. Most of the experiences we build our whole life on happen prior to having any language to put on them. By the time most children reach four years of age, they are already “set” for life.
In the transformational happening when I was 36 years old, I was facing a psychological death, and, for me, there was a familiarity about it. I didn’t know exactly what it was, but for some reason I didn’t have any fear about facing that death. It was like I was going home. I had been there before, and this time I went through it. I had been close to a physical death as a baby and as a young boy, and those memories had been stored in my body somewhere, some of them before I had language to label them.
If you notice a context in your life that predominates, or even if it comes up in the moment, you can look at it and see where it came from. If you lived in a home where there was a lot of yelling and screaming, you might have said to yourself that you hated that screaming and yelling. You didn’t realize that not only was it the yelling and screaming that you created hate for, you created the whole context for hate in your life. And that’s the trap because once you have created the context hate (or any context); it’s like a vacuum which looks for something to hate everywhere. Each time you find something to hate, the hate is reinforced, and you will continue to look for more and more things to hate. Of course, people have different levels of hate raging inside them. Some people may just hold it inside them and be eaten up by it, and some may go out and kill a lot of people.
Similarly, you might have been brought up with a feeling of being unwanted, and then you will create the context of “unwanted” and will fill that context with all kinds of proof or content that you are unwanted. All of your life you will see proof of you being unwanted. You might not remember the first experience of it since it started before you had a vocabulary for it, but when the experience of being unwanted happens later in life, you will have an awareness of similarity of it. That is when you will feel that same feeling you had as a child. Before you learned to speak, you had many experiences, and you just didn’t have a way to express them with language. Then later on in life when like experiences happened, you were able to put a label on them.
I am not talking about blaming anyone for the hate or the unwanted or whatever has happened to you as a child, since we are all products of our parents, who are products of their parents and on back thousands of years. I am talking about taking responsibility. I say it is important for the “buck to stop here.” It is up to me to stop this craziness.
One way to do that is to say to yourself or out loud, “I am responsible for every mistake every parent has ever made.” You have to do this for yourself simply because in a contextual manner, you are every parent. You cannot do it for your parents or your children, for Jesus or God, or any another religion, or the world, or anyone else; otherwise it will never get done.
This responsibility is for you, and has to be done by you. If you feel unworthy of it or something is blocking this, then that needs to be cleared before this can be done. This is an important point to see. If you feel you have to do it for someone else, then you are hiding something or blocking it, and so it cannot be done at all until that is cleared.
If it is for you, then you are the only one who is responsible. There is no one to blame, there is no more drama, and there are no more excuses because it is 100 percent up to you. You can see that you are the way you are because of your parents and their parents, and you made your children the way they are. Then you can say, “Yes, that is true, and I am ending the insanity now. It stops with me.”
This is not easy for most people to do because this requires that they start to take responsibility for their lives and to stop doing what they have always been doing. The easiest thing for them to do is to stay the way they are. Even thinking about doing something different causes most people to go into a panic because they cannot image what that would be. Even people who see their life is full of pain and suffering would still rather stay that way than to do something new. It is known, it is familiar. They will complain that they want it different, but only if they don’t have to do it. They want everyone else to change, everyone except them.
In order to make any shifts in your life you have to do things differently. Read that statement over and over until you get it. It has to be you, and you have to do things differently. It cannot be done by your parents or your children or your partner or your religion or the government or anyone/anything else. It is up to you – period. The shift can be made by simply speaking the truth about you. You don’t have to say it to the world or even to anyone else, yet it is important that you say it to yourself. This is doing something different, something new, isn’t it?
Many people reading this might say “I cannot do this.” They feel negative about themselves and their lives, and feel they are unable to make this shift for themselves; then they feel defeated and unworthy. The saying “’can’t’ never did anything” is true. “Can’t” is just an excuse.
In order to be transformed you have to have a new way of being and transformation is a new way of being. When you are at the top of that mountain that you climbed on your way towards transformation and take that final leap, when you fall right at that instance of the completion, that falling is the new. That is when you have left everything you know and it is all new. You might notice then that you are falling; yet the fall started when you took that leap. Transformation is in the action, in the doing, as you live your life.
Each time you take your conditioned self (ego) out of the way, you can take a step forward up that mountain. Your ego has been what has been holding you back. When I say “ego” I mean the conditioned mind that is stuck in belief. You believe lies to be true, and they are the thing blocking your way. The spark that will keep you moving forward is putting aside ego. It is that ego that is weighing you down, that is causing you to feel like you “can’t”. It is what holds all the negativity and excuses and reasons why you can’t; and when you put that aside, there is a new/open space in front of you, a new possibility. When you hold onto your ego, that is same thing that has been there your whole life.
When you move out of your own way, you can take leaps forward. The energy you need to move forward happens when “you” (ego) moves out of the way. When you see that your need for anger to continue is anger, similarly you will see what you need for new to continue is “new.” It is self-perpetuating. Step out of your way and an opening to a new possibility is there.