The context of worthless can affect people in different ways, sometimes totally opposite in response to it. One person might go to the place of vanity where they have an over-inflated sense of themselves, a false pretense of being the most important thing on the planet. Others go to unworthy which is an under or deflated sense of themselves where they let people walk all over them. They are both really the same thing.
It is extremely difficult to see yourself in either of these places because it is all encompassing in your life. Even though it is all encompassing, you would think it would be easy to see; yet it is difficult to see because it is everywhere, in everything. Others can see it in you very easily, but it is hidden to you. You don’t see that it is affecting anything, yet it is affecting everything. It has been effecting you all of your life and is the driving force of your actions.
An unworthy person usually is cheap about things (as they are not worthy of anything better. For example they would go to the store and see $5.00 juice and $2.00 juice and would pick up the $2 juice automatically. Now, if you take a moment to wonder what the difference is and pick up the $5.00 one and compare ingredients and see that the $5.00 is naturally squeezed from real fruit, whereas the $2.00 is some processed product with fruit flavoring. That is the perfect opportunity to see that you are cheaping yourself, being unworthy. Are you sacrificing your health to be cheap?
Then there are those who go the other end, the vain ones, who are extravagant and would buy the most expensive one without looking. The two products might be exactly the same. It is just the name brand one costs more, and they automatically think if it costs more it is better, and only the best is good enough for them.
You might take this opportunity to see where else in your life you do the same thing. You will then begin to discover it is in everything. And because it is in everything, it is both huge and very tiny. By that I mean it is huge because it is everywhere and tiny because it cannot be seen.
That is why contextual observation is so important. That is also why pure observation of something alters the something. If you are able to see purely or perfectly the huge level of your vanity, how vain you are, the vanity itself would disappear. The same is true with unworthy or any other context in your life. It would transform into something.
It might be beneficial to find out where the something started, be it vanity or unworthy or whatever context you are looking at. Somewhere, someone said or did something that caused you to either go into poor me, where you thought that if you give yourself away for free, sexually or in other ways, that maybe someone will think you are worth something. The vain one went the other way to, “I will show them” and then made it so the whole world evolved around them.
When you look at your life in context, you can see that it is everywhere, and then look to find the places you are not that. Once you see how huge this context is, you might have difficulty finding the places it is not. Maybe you did something that was entirely different than the way you normally are. That is usually the place where the vanity or unworthiness isn’t. You stepped into doing something that was so diametrically opposed to how you usually do your life that there was a certain sense of worthiness there because that is the only type of person who would do that.
For example, it is beneficial in life to say, “You are right” to someone even if you think they are wrong. It is beneficial because it shifts things into balance. We have all thought we were right or made someone else wrong when it wasn’t so, and now we can deliberately bring that back to balance by saying someone else is right, especially when we think we are right. This is one way to deliberately step out of your context and maybe see yourself with greater clarity.
Most people have made almost everyone in their lives wrong. These people need to be right all the time. So in order for you to discover the place to bring back balance in your life, or to accelerate it, then you would take responsibility or admit that the other person is right. The more obvious it is that they are wrong is the greater time to say they are right. This is for the matter of bringing balance in your life.
If you have been making others wrong, it is like you have been stealing from them. If you have been stealing from people all of your life, then in order to bring balance you need to give back. It doesn’t necessarily need to be to the same people, though that would be best if possible. In the 48 Davis project, we are giving back for the problems caused by other people. It doesn’t make any difference who the person is that we stole from or that we are giving back to. All of this is ethereal in its essence.
If you have been beating yourself into submission psychologically, as in being unworthy for your whole lifetime, then you might start to, on purpose, make yourself worthy. Making yourself unworthy was a fake thing anyway, so then you can use a fake thing to make yourself worthy, to bring back balance. Then as you go through this worthy and unworthy thing, you will notice a place of balance were you see they are both fake. That is the discovery of transformation.
Even if you don’t know what worthy is, look for it or make it up. You don’t know what unworthy is, and yet you have spent your whole life being it. So now turn the tables and do that with worthy, and do the same with vanity. Turn the tables on that, too. Everything in your lives falls into that—unworthy or vain, and you don’t know what it is. You see, you are the one who defined it, and you are the one who gave it life. Both are just a label. Neither is real.
It gets so crazy that there is one way you know it is unworthy or vain, and that is if it is happening. You don’t even have to question it anymore; you just see you are doing something and then you can be sure it has unworthy or vanity in it. Then it gets so bad that you no longer have a definition of it anymore, you are being it all the time. The proof that it is unworthy is, “I am doing it so it must be unworthy.” It is all in your thinking anyway.
Sometimes vain people and unworthy people are best friends since they feed on each other. The vain person thinks that whatever they say or think is the most worthy thing, and the unworthy person agrees because they are too unworthy to think what they have to say or think is worthy or important. The vain person can say the meanest things, and the unworthy person just takes it because that is what they are used to.
People who are unworthy expect to be yelled at; they expect to be put down. They are usually surrounded by people who others would think are mean. They continually keep people around them who treat them this way because that is what they feel they are worthy of. They actually train the people they are with to act that way. It often comes from early childhood conditioning, parents or siblings who treated them that way, and they took that abuse and internalized it as that is what they deserved. They are comfortable with people who do that, so they will continue to bring those kinds of people into their lives. In a perverse way they are happiest when they are treated badly. When others make the worthless person wrong, it reinforces their belief in their worthlessness.
Sometimes an unworthy person thinks they are like that because it is a good thing to degenerate themselves. They think they are being humble, but unworthy is not the same as humble. Humility, being humble, is walking along side of another with your head up and seeing the world as it is. Unworthy is being defeated. It is letting others step all over you, being less than others. Unworthy is the mirror image of humility. By mirror image I mean that it is in the world of duality, world of opposites, and the world of thinking where there is a worthy and unworthy. Humility is in the unknown, not in the world of duality. Humility is real, unworthy is not.
The vain person doesn’t want to be unworthy because that would mean others think they are less than them, or that they would be wiping their feet on them. They would rather be pissed off than pissed on.
The point is neither of them is real. You are the one who has defined what unworthy and vanity are. You can be the one to define what is worthy or modesty is. That is why I suggest that someone who always has to be right tell others that they are right in order to create a karmic balance. Once you have given back enough, the things you took away become in view of one another, and then you will be able to see that it is all made up. That is the same with looking at worthy/unworthy or vanity/modesty, you will see that in one instant your action will be completely unworthy and the next instance it will be worthy. Guess what? It is the same action.
That is the way our world is. This stuff is not easy to catch because of this. It is all what we label it to be and those labels are not real. It is like you look in your garden and think something is a weed, and then you look again and it is a flower. It is exactly the same plant, yet one observation of it is a weed and in a second look, it is a flower. It is the same thing. It is all in how you look at it. It is all in your mind.
That is why balance, or perfect, is the key to everything. I use the word perfect because that word implies balance. You know you are out of balance when there is discordance of any kind in you. Discordance is an irritation, pain, feeling, reaction, the need to be right or anything that causes you to be upset. If something causes discordance in your relationship or with yourself, then you know something is out of balance. It is always the person who has the discordance that is the one out of balance.
Balance will work in every instance you find yourself. Balance comes from the manner in which you look at yourself. So if you see that unworthy is the context you are looking at your life through, then it is available any and all the time to see it. Unworthy is the vehicle in which you will discover unworthy. Vanity is the vehicle in which you will discover vanity. Then you could experiment with being the opposite. The unworthy person could start to act vain, and the vain person could start to act unworthy. It shows you unchartered waters even if they are fake unchartered waters.
If there are only eyes that look through unworthy to discover what unworthiness is, or if there were only eyes that look through vanity to discover what vanity is, you will never discover it because it is like seeing a polar bear in a snow storm. In order to see the unworthy or vanity, you will need to look through different eyes. The unworthy person might ask themselves what it would be like to be vain. The vain person might ask themselves what it would be like to be unworthy.
If you make someone wrong, that is your own vanity raising yourself up. And if you accept the wrong, that is your own unworthiness driving you down. But if you happen to take a look at the other side of the fence, you might discover the grass isn’t greener. It is the same as yours. Then you will start to have a view of what is vanity and what is unworthy.